


the month of june

by saltandlimes



Category: Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blow Jobs, Drama & Romance, Estrangement, False Identity, First Dates, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Happily ending, M/M, Modeling, Reconciliation, Sibling Incest, Thorki Big Bang 2019, dramady, references to odin being a dick, sexy calendar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:22:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21517393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltandlimes/pseuds/saltandlimes
Summary: When Loki finds a rather appealing calendar in his favorite bookstore, the last thing he expects is to find his estranged brother Thor among the featured models. Last time he checked, Thor was a scientist dating a nurse, not a gay, semi-nude model.It seems things have changed. And what can Loki do but investigate a little further?
Relationships: Loki/Thor, Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 290
Collections: Thorki Big Bang 2019





	the month of june

**Author's Note:**

> For the Thorki Big Bang 2019. Thank you so much to Rufferto9, the most wonderful artist to work with ever. You are my hero.

Loki is just going to take a look in the window. Every time he goes into 59th Street Books, he ends up walking out with more books than he can carry, and his shelves just can’t take it anymore. There are a few hardbacks that he thinks he’ll wait for to come out in paperback, and a few art books that he’d buy if he thought he could justify the price. He’s about to move on when he spots the little display of calendars in the corner of the window. 

There’s a lovely one with a butch in flannel kissing a gorgeous girl in the best tailored power suit Loki has seen in a long time. He wonders if the designer’s notes are in the calendar - he’d love to get his hands on the sharp lines of the jacket. It’s not really good enough to buy the whole thing, though. Pretty as the women are, Loki’s clearly not the target audience.

The calendar next to it is far more to Loki’s taste. The cover is drenched in warm sunlight, a deep blue ocean in the distance. Close to the camera, a boardwalk stretches into the scene. Leaning against it is a man in the tiniest swimsuit Loki has seen in quite a while. It clings to the model’s narrow hips, highlighting the v of his abs and dipping so low that Loki thinks it’s a miracle that nothing has slipped free. The bulge between the model’s legs is definitely big enough that there must have been a few wardrobe malfunctions during the shoot. 

The swimsuit is bright pink, a perfect contrast against the model’s dark skin. Loki thinks he looks a little like Idris Elba, if Idris Elba posed on the covers of gay calendars. His eyes are stunning golden color, though, and he’s looking out from the flat photograph as though he can see beyond its glossy finish and look straight into the eyes of whoever buys the calendar. Loki shifts, caught between being turned on and being a little uncomfortable. There are things in his soul that he’s not sure he wants the hot model seeing, if only in his imagination. 

Loki edges closer to the window. There’s something about the calendar that promises hours of enjoyment. It’s well shot enough that he’ll enjoy it for the aesthetics. But more importantly, it’s exactly the kind of thing he enjoys. It’ll look perfect on the wall of his office at home. He’ll be able to look up while he’s editing yet another abysmal document from a client, and he’ll have a hot guy smiling down on him. Loki grins to himself. It’ll also be great to see the looks on some of his stuffier clients’ faces as they come in and spot something so tasteful they can’t object to it, but so obviously sexual that they’re set on edge. 

It’s enough to make up his mind. Loki walks down the three steps that lead to the door of the bookstore, and pulls it open. Bells ring behind him. He unzips his jacket, but immediately starts shivering. Outside there’s snow on the ground and ice on the branches, and indoors its only a little better. He tugs his jacket closed hurriedly. The cashier laughs a little, cocking his head to one side when Loki looks over at him. 

“Most people say something, or they swear.”

“What, like “why is it so damn cold in here?” Loki asks. 

“That’s the nice version,” the guy tells him. He’s got floppy black hair that falls across his forehead and thick rimmed glasses. His short goatee is perfectly trimmed, and the half tuck of his shirt is artfully casual. If Loki had more time, he might chat him up for real. On the other hand, he’s never really been one to get it on with other twinks. It’s not really his scene. That’s no reason not to flirt a little though. 

“So, I saw a hot guy through your window,” he says.

The clerk blushes high on his cheekbones, but when he speaks his voice is steady. 

“Yeah the cover of Chuck Tingle’s newest book really is a scorcher.”

Loki giggles. He sets down his shopping bags, then leans over the counter, his hands on the edge. 

“Honestly I didn’t even notice it. What is it this time? Erotic politicians giving hand jobs in the White House bowling alley? Celebrities arguing in front of the oscars then being caught _in flagrante_ just a little while later?”

“Haven’t read it. But people keep commenting on the cover model.”

“There are more than a few models in this bookshop,” Loki says. The clerk smiles at him, but cocks his head to one side.

“I take it you saw that calendar in the window?”

“I saw a lot of them.”

“Something tells me I know which one would have caught your eye.”

“Oh really? What gives you that idea?”

“It’s pretty hard to pay attention to anything else with those gold eyes looking at you.”

“They really are remarkable. Why haven’t I seen him before?”

“He’s pretty new to modeling himself. I think he directed some films a few years back, but he’s never really made anything we could put up in our store, and he doesn’t get on the right end of a camera very often.”

Loki hasn’t even heard of the guy. But then again, his clients aren’t the sort who feature in porn, and when he watches for himself, its usually something a little rawer than films that have a director. It’s a pity that he can’t represent someone like that for work, however. He’d like to, just because booking jobs would be as easy as passing the director-turned-model’s photo around.

“So why is he on the cover of a calendar now?”

“Apparently he and the rest of the guys in it are trying to start an agency. Erotic modeling or something. Like bridging the gap between traditional stuff and the other side of the industry.”

Loki purses his lips. He’s not sure how well that’ll work - jobs generally want someone who’ll work in the nude and be happy showing themselves off, or they don’t.

“How’s that going?”

“I dunno, man. But the calendar sure is popular. They’ve even got a Kickstarter up to fund a new one and to get their business going. They’ve been by the shop a few times to promote it and pose with people.”

“Yeah? Sounds like they’re serious then.”

“Yeah. That guy on the cover? He’s the head of their little group, and fuck is he intense.”

“He looks like it.”

“The rest of them are a little more laid back.”

Loki grins. “Guess I should buy the calendar so I can see it for myself.”

“You definitely won’t regret it. Especially cause we only have about ten left. People can’t keep their paws off of them.”

Loki leans even farther forward over the counter. “I hate keeping my hands off pretty boys too,” he says. Then he rocks back onto his feet, pulling out a twenty dollar bill. “Keep the change,” he tells the clerk. He takes the calendar out of the guy’s hands, and, grabbing his bags, sweeps towards the door. When he gets there, he pauses, turning back to look at the guy. 

“See you later, lovey,” he says. The bells on the door jingle as he sweeps out, smiling all the way.  
***  
Loki pushes open the door of his apartment with his shoulder. He’s trying to balance the bags in one hand, and his phone in the other. He’s got Riley Sirus’s Instagram open, and of course she’s got some photo on a boat, with her hair all over one shoulder and a perfect tan on the bit of midriff she’s showing. It’s a pretty good picture, but the caption, on the other hand…

_his boat is perfect_

He’s going to have to call her later. She hired him on to help her change things up a bit, but partying on a boat with one of New York’s most notorious billionaires isn’t the best way to shift her image. And there’s nothing salacious about the picture at all, but still, Loki wants to get ahead of this before it gets out of control. 

He sets down the groceries absently on the counter, flicking through the gossip rags to see if any of them have picked up on the post. It doesn’t look like anyone cares yet, but they’re going to have to do this carefully. 

Cobweb jumps up onto the counter, and Loki jumps a little. She’s even quieter than he is, sneaking though the house more like a grey shadow than a cat. She meows at him now, though, rubbing her face against the side of the grocery bag. 

“Alright, alright. I have your food inside. I get it.”

Loki pulls out the kale at the top of the bag, setting his phone down to open the refrigerator door. He tosses the kale inside, then starts piling frozen dinners into the freezer. He detests cooking for himself, and he can’t reasonably go out every night. He’d lose his mind. 

Cobweb’s food is at the bottom of bag. He pulls it out, along with a bar of chocolate and a can of whipped cream. The cream goes in the mostly empty refrigerator, but the food gets stored in a low cabinet. Cobweb jumps off the counter when Loki puts it away, winding about between his legs and meowing incessantly. 

“Your bowl is full. You have absolutely no reason to complain,” Loki tells her. She meows back, but then stalks off towards his office, her tail waving. 

Loki follows her, his phone in one hand and the calendar in the other. He’s got to figure out where to put it up. He could hang it right behind his computer, but that’s not really where his clients look when they first come into the room. 

They walk in, wringing their hands, or glancing about excitedly. Some of them have fired a publicist, some of them have never had one before, and some of them just need a new direction for their image. They’re all in awe of him. Loki Odinson makes or breaks reputations, and they all know it. Sometimes, though, they think that they know his work better than he does. They’ve been doing it all on their own for years, and they think they have everything figured out. Those are the ones he’s looking forward to having in to see him with the calendar on display. 

He’ll sit them down, and watch them squirm at the blatant display. He’ll settle back in his chair, watching as they try to keep their eyes off of it, and not being able to. Loki sinks down into his chair and spreads his leg. His cock is getting thicker in his pants and he shifts, spreading his legs. There is no way that he would to actually do anything when his clients are there, but just the idea of their reaction turns him on.

Loki strokes his cock through his trousers absently. He’s got a few clients who might want to show off, might ask him about it to “prove” how open minded they are. He’d open it up to whoever in the calendar is cutest, and tell them all about how much he likes the picture. Loki gives his dick a squeeze, then runs a sharp nail across the edge of the calendar to break the plastic. He keeps one hand resting between his legs as he manages to unwrap the calendar the rest of the way. 

He leans back a little as he looks at the man on the front page. The flush on his cheeks is starting to reach up to his forehead, and Loki bites his lip as he opens the calendar. The cover page proudly announces the “Pretty boys and hunky toys collective” as the makers of the calendar. Loki chuckles.

He turns the page over, and is greeted with white snow and a blue sky. There’s a log cabin at one side of the photo. A dark-haired Asian man lounges against the one side of it, snow all about his feet. His long dark hair flows over his shoulders and his skintight boxer briefs show every curve. His dark eyes glitter out of the page, and his lips are just parted, as though to whisper a secret. Loki licks his lips, but doesn’t linger, flipping the page. 

The next page features a barrel-chested man with long red braids down his back. His thick arms bulge through his thin flannel jacket, and his tight shorts emphasize his wide thighs. He’s chopping wood in the middle of a clearing, a light coating of snow on the ground and snowflakes all about him. Loki licks his lips. Here’s someone more to his liking. He’s not really into _this_ big a guy, but he likes a good bear when he has the chance to get with one. 

His cock twitches, but he moves on. These two pictures have been good enough that the rest have to be fabulous as well. March is another black man. He’s not as lanky as the one on the cover, but he’s got gorgeous hair with flowers woven into it. It’s misty all around him. His sharp cheekbones stand out from the light background. Loki gasps. This is even better. He flips even faster, getting more excited with every passing page. When he switches to April, there’s a blonde. His hair is blonde hair that is somehow perfect even in the rain falling around him. He’s wearing galoshes, and he’s got a huge smirk, his sparkling teeth just barely peeking through. 

Loki finds himself panting a little. This is perfect. He loves the way that all the men are clothed, but there’s something so tempting about them, as though they could take a few steps and their shorts would slide down, leaving them bare to the camera. He turns to May and giggles. There are flowers all around, and more woven through the model’s hair and beard. He’s lounging in the middle of a field in in only his underwear. It’s absurd, but Loki loves the bulge in his tight boxer briefs.

Then he flips to June. At first he just stares at it, because he’s not sure what to do. It’s Thor. He’s thicker around the waist and more muscular than when Loki last saw him, but there’s no mistaking who it is. Loki would recognize his brother anywhere. 

Loki slams the calendar shut, not sure what to do. He stares at the cover and then peaks inside again, blushing when he sees Thor. His cock is still pressing against the inside of his trousers, but he yanks his hand away the moment he realizes he’s cupping it. Even though he’s hard, he can’t imagine how he could possibly keep going. Not after seeing his brother. He sinks into his chair, resting his head against the back. 

He was having so much fun. Just imagining his clients’ faces was fantastic, but looking over the boys in the photos was even better. But then his brother had to somehow show up on the page and ruin the experience for him. So typical for Thor. Loki huffs. His first instinct was to toss the calendar the moment he saw Thor’s picture, but how he can’t. There’s no way he’s going to let Thor get the better of him, not like this. And anyway, he already bought the damn thing, and it’s absurd not to hang it. He can just skip the month of June.

***

At first Loki is able to ignore the calendar. He opens it to January and just leaves it there, letting the model stare down at him while he’s working. He’s been hard at work trying to get a handle on Riley, and it’s only getting more complicated. Loki was so busy that It’s only late at night, almost a week after he bought the calendar, that he finds himself taking it down off the wall once again. 

For a moment, he rests the calendar on his knees. Then, as though his fingers are moving without his consent, Loki flips open the calendar. He thumbs through to June, and stares down, straight at Thor. 

He really has changed. When Loki last saw him, Thor was a year out of college, and dating a nurse named Jane. He’d been working at some lab connected with UCLA, studying the weather. Loki’d been certain that he was on his way to having a white picket fence and 2.5 kids. 

They had met up on Thor’s request. Loki was a senior that year, and though they both went to UCLA and Thor still worked there, it was big enough that they never saw each other in college unless Thor sought Loki out. Since Loki had managed to stay at school and do internships every summer, and hadn’t gone home any of the first three winter breaks in university, Thor had insisted that they get together over lunch. 

He’d shown up with his perfect button up gaping at the neck, his hair swept to one side and his glasses perched on the tip of his nose. Loki had come in with his skin-tight jeans and open shirt, his long hair perfectly blown out. He’d been just starting to build his image, and when he saw Thor, he almost turned around, worried that being seen with him would suggest that he was some sort of straight edge. 

He hadn’t, though, because he’d wanted to vent to Thor. They weren’t as close then as they had been growing up, but Thor was still his big brother. He’d wanted to talk, to ask Thor’s advice, something like that. He’d just needed his brother. 

They’d sat together for almost half an hour before Loki had gotten up the courage to tell Thor what was bothering him. He’d muttered that he’d finally told Odin that he was gay right before he’d gone to college for Freshman year. Thor hadn’t reacted then, not until Loki revealed to him that instead of being understanding, Odin had mocked him and told him that it explained why Loki was such a terrible son. 

He’d wanted Thor to say that he was never going to speak to Odin again. He’d wanted Thor to support him in never going home. He’d wanted anything but Thor insisting that Odin could be convinced to be better, that they just had to work on him. Loki had left in a huff and ignored Thor’s texts until Thor finally stopped sending them.

Loki stares at the calendar for a long time. Something must have changed. Thor can’t possibly still be some up and coming scientist. He’s a calendar model for an up-and-coming gay modeling agency. He’s got to be at least queer, for 59th street books to have let the calendar into their stock. They’re not into the entire gay-for-pay thing. He rubs his temple. This is really something else.

***

A few weeks later Loki is feeling particularly horny. It’s late at night and he’s been working for hours on how to manage the rumors of an affair between one of his biggest celebrity clients - a “wholesome” singer - and a grimy multimillionaire scumbag. Riley Sirus is a lovely girl, and she did hire him to help her escape her kiddy friendly pigeonhole, but this isn’t the right way to do it. He’s exhausted and all he wants to do is jerk off and then get a good night’s sleep.

Loki leans back in his chair. He stares up at the ceiling, colors swimming across his vision from staring at the computer for too long. All he wants is some way to relax and get a good night’s sleep. He stays there for a few minutes, until his eyes clear and all he can see is the white of the ceiling and the blue trim all around the room. Loki sighs. He lets his chair rock forwards. As he brings his gaze down, his eyes land on the calendar still hanging on the wall. 

Loki grins. 

This is the perfect way to calm himself down. He’ll just have to avoid flipping to June, and then he won’t have the same problem he had last time. That’s all he has to do. He leans over his desk, reaching out to pluck the calendar from the wall. Then he opens one of the top drawers in his desk, pulling out a bottle of lotion that he always keeps there. 

Loki starts flipping through the calendar for inspiration and settles on the hot blonde with the floppy hair who’s apparently called Fandral. He looks like someone who Loki could have real fun with. He opens his trousers, slipping them down his legs and letting them settle about his ankles. Then he stretches the waistband of his boxers down beneath his cock, baring it and his balls. 

He starts jerking himself off slowly. He runs a finger down the thick vein of his cock, tracing over the full swell of his balls and then rubbing lightly at his perineum. He bites his lip. If he was there at the shoot, he could have pulled the pretty man in from the rain and kissed him. Loki would run his hands through that wet blonde hair, disarranging it. 

Fandral looks like he would be a little prissy, a little upset to get dirtied up, and Loki knows that he would enjoy it doubly because of that. He has always liked the sort of thing - bringing someone to their limits and then showing them how those limits could be pushed for fun. When he was little, he would do it with Thor, teasing him and taunting him to get Thor to break the rules, and then showing Thor what a good time it was. It was only when Loki was in college that he realized those games could be played during sex as well. 

He returns from reminiscing to the calendar and starts to flip through it again. He was so distracted by Thor the first time that he forgot to really enjoy all of it. This time he’s going to. Loki wraps his hand around his cock, pulling faster. His steady rhythm sends little shocks of warmth through him. He definitely hasn’t been jerking off enough, as he’s already getting pretty close. There has to be something really sexy somewhere in the calendar that will be just enough to send him over the edge.

Loki pauses when he sees the picture of the cover model. The man’s dark skin gleams, and his eyes seem to send warmth flooding through Loki as he looks down at the photo. Loki traces his thumb across the top of his cock, gasping as he smears precome around the head. His balls jerk upwards and he gasps again, opening his mouth to pant a little. He’s so close, but even running his eyes over the gleaming curves of the model’s body aren’t enough to get him there. 

He flips the page. 

There is a beautiful man on the other side, golden hair shaggy about him and his thick bicep looking ready to bite where he has it folded up behind his head. It’s right then that Loki starts to come, spilling over his fingers and just barely not dirtying the pages of the calendar. For a moment afterwards he just looks down in shock, not sure what to think. It’s Thor staring up at him from the page. He feels his cheeks heat, even in the face of the lingering warmth of his orgasm. 

He just came to his brother’s photo. Of course, when he was a teenager he had thoughts about Thor - he had told himself that anyone with a brother who looked like a god would have those thoughts. But he hasn’t in years and years and years. Loki buries his face in his hands. 

It takes him a moment to recoil, and by that point it’s too late. Not only has he just jerked off to his brother, but now he has come _all over_ his face. 

***

Loki doesn’t look at the calendar for two weeks after that. In fact, he ignores it when he’s in his office. Whenever his eyes land on it, he pointedly looks away, staring back at his computer screen. He’s not willing to take it down - that would feel like defeat - but he also doesn’t want to be reminded of his jerk off session and the dreams that have been plaguing him ever since. 

Mainly they’ve involved his childhood bedroom. He’s the same age in them that he is now, and Thor looks like he does in the calendar, but otherwise everything is like when they were kids. Inevitably, they start just the same way that most of Loki’s jerk off sessions did when he was a teenager. He’s lying on his bed, his blankets down at the bottom and his boxers around his ankles. He had around his cock, his fingers teasing the top of them. Everything goes smoothly until late in the dream.

That’s when Thor walks in. It’s in just when Loki is arching up off the bed, jerking himself off, his mouth wrapped around a dildo or one stuck up his ass. Every time he has the dream it’s a little different, but each time he and Thor have a conversation while he’s still naked from the waist down. Sometimes it’s just catching up, but other times it’s a little like flirting, with Thor asking him if he finally got bigger, and Loki promising to show him. And sometimes, things go a little further. Loki is trying not to think about those times.

Anyways, after not looking at the calendar in weeks, Loki’s out at his favorite coffee shop on 83rd street and he catches a glimpse of someone through the window standing across the street. He’s bundled up - it’s February and still cold as fuck in NYC - but Loki can see is face fairly well. And he’s almost certain that the guy he’s seeing is Thor. He’s got Thor’s soft chin and bright eyes, Thor’s floppy hair and scruffy cheeks. 

It’s startling enough that Loki jumps up and runs out the door, leaving all of his stuff next to his table. The icy air hits him in the face as the bell jingles behind him, the door slamming closed. Loki freezes too. He’s got absolutely no idea what to do next. 

He could run across and yell at the guy he thinks is Thor, demanding to know what he’s doing modeling for a gay agency. But that would really be absurd, and he’s not sure what else he would say. “Hey, it’s me, your brother who ghosted you. No, I’m not saying hi because I came to your picture the other day in a gay calendar. Why in the world would you think that?” 

Loki stands there for a few more seconds, before another gust of frigid wind makes his eyes water. He sighs, then turns around and goes back into the cafe. Monica, his favorite server, is standing by his table, her hands on her hips. She gives him a long look. Loki tosses his hair, trying to seem nonchalant, but she only glares more sharply. 

“Loki, you know better than that. I know that you’re not a New York boy, but to leave your laptop there? It just isn’t right!”

“Monica, I’ve lived here for the past thirteen years,” Loki argues

“And that still hasn’t made you a New Yorker. I’m starting to think it’ll never happen.”

Loki shakes his head, trying not to look over his shoulder to see if Thor is still there. It’s absurd to think that it was his brother. After all, though he does know from Facebook that Thor moved here a few years ago, there are millions of people who live in New York city. The chance of running into any one of them is almost nil. But it’s still a struggle to keep his eyes focused on Monica’s sharp eyes and pursed lips. 

“So who was it? Ex-boyfriend? Hot celeb?”

Loki shakes his head. 

“Nothing like that,” he answers. 

“Better have been important, to have you running up like that.”

“It wasn’t. It wasn’t important at all.”

***

For all that he told Monica it wasn’t important, Loki knew that was a lie before he even left the coffee shop. He’s been obsessing about it all week. He wasn’t even able to focus on flirting with the usual crew in the Green Door last night. He’d bought a daiquiri, Jenny staring at him in horror across the bar. He’s usually a G&T man, but he’d wanted to have his dessert and drink it too. Not only was Thor haunting his thoughts, but the entire Riley affair was just going from bad to worse. 

When he’d agreed to pick her up as a client, he’d never thought she was such a loose cannon. Not that he really is annoyed - in her place he’d be climbing the walls, screaming that he needed some release. But getting into a torrid affair with Allan Muks isn’t the right way of going about it. The media is circling her like sharks. They’ve been trying to paint her alternately as a homewrecker or a child lured into something beyond her control (despite the fact she’s twenty four.)

Loki had spent the whole day frantically setting up an interview with People for two days from now. He’s going to coach her to talk about her own agency, about the fact the boy toy isn’t married anymore (the divorce was final three days before they started seeing each other, so she can say that in good faith) and about how she wants to take back the idea that women have no agency to decide their own relationships unless they’re conniving. Loki thinks he can turn this into a good thing in line with her message and in line with his and her ideals, but it’s going to take one hell of a spin. He’d been so preoccupied with the whole mess that he’d downed his daiquiri and left without even a word to the usual crew. 

He settles down in his office three days after the daiquiri incident. He’s not been able to get Thor off his mind. Sitting in the corner during Riley’s People interview, he’d spent the whole time wondering about Thor. About what if he had run across the street and caught up with the man he’d seen. About what it would be like if the man was in fact Thor. 

Would he have been able to speak? Would he have blurted out that he had bought Thor’s calendar? Would he have asked who the other guys in it were and how Thor had met them? He has a terrible feeling that he would just have made some crack about Thor going gay for pay and then of course they wouldn’t have talked for another thirteen years.

It’s almost 12 at night, and Loki’s lounging back in his chair, a stained wine glass next to him on the desk. He’s got the bottle there too, but there’s still more than half left. He’s buzzed, but not drunk. He doesn’t even have an excuse for what he does next. 

Loki pulls out his phone and googles the name of the calendar. The first result is the publishing company’s website. It has the same stuff about bringing together the best up and coming gay models out there to do a calendar so tasteful you can hang it in your kitchen, yet so tasty that you’ll want to eat each and every one of the models up… or out. It’s the same innuendo laced advertising Loki has seen a thousand time and it doesn’t tell him anything about the models themselves. 

He sighs, taking another sip of his wine. He wipes the search bar clean and googles Thor Odinson.

That gets him absolutely nowhere. 

An article comes up about Thor’s internships with NOAA in college, as well as all the water polo championships he went to. There’s a big picture of him smiling in the absurd UCLA water polo uniform, his tight speedo low on his hips. And there’s one of him shaking hands with some important member of the NCAA administration. None of these are any good. Loki and Thor were still talking when these articles were written, and it’s not as though he hasn’t seen them before. 

He grabs the calendar off the wall. 

The model on the cover is credited only as Heimdall. 

It’s enough though. Loki googles him and adds “gay model” onto the end. All he has is the first name, and it might even be a pseudonym - just because Thor uses his real first name under his photo doesn’t mean all of his fellows do. After all, Heimdall doesn’t really sound like a likely first name, even to someone whose parents had an obsession with Norse culture. 

Luckily, it’s clearly a name the guy uses. He finds websites devoted entirely to Heimdall, and built entirely by fans. There are blog posts obsessing over his skincare, and other imagining how good he must be in bed. If he’s an up-and-coming model, then Loki will eat his favorite hat. He looks more like a well-known and popular figure. 

A few more clicks reveal that Heimdall is actually the guy who organized the calendar project. His personal patreon is awash with slick photos of him posing in tastefully minimal clothing. A ten dollar a month donation will get you more revealing photos, though, and the strong back and thick biceps on the thumbnail has Loki betting that there are quite a few people subscribing. 

When he scrolls down there’s a banner announcing a new calendar. It proudly proclaims how delighted Heimdall is that his fans and friends supported the first one. Loki scans through a paragraph going on about how Heimdall and his friends are bringing new insight to the world of gay modeling until he reaches the bottom. There is a Kickstarter link.

He clicks on it with his tongue between his teeth. 

The main page is a lovely photo of all the models from the first calendar together, arms around one another and sun shining through fall leaves all around them. Below it there’s a blurb about how much they appreciate all the support for the first calendar, and how they’ll use this second one to further their goals. Loki skims it all. Finally, at the bottom, is a little description of what’s going to be different about this new calendar, and then there’s a summary of the rewards. 

***

Loki looks through them slowly. He doesn’t know if he could survive the awkwardness of buying a second one knowing that Thor was in it. On the other hand, Loki knows himself well enough to know that if he doesn’t, he’ll end up searching again and again. He’ll want to know if Thor’s participation was a one-time thing. More than that, he’ll want to see what other projects Thor has taken on.

He pushes himself out of his chair, walking over to the other side of his office. Cobweb stretches from her bed on his desk, arching her back. She meows at him, narrowing her eyes as Loki paces back and forth across the office. Loki cocks his head. 

“What? Am I making too much noise?”

Cobweb turns around twice on her bed, then curls herself up into a little grey ball. Loki shakes his head as her ears twitch. Even his cat thinks he’s being absurd. 

Loki wipes his hands on the silk of his pajamas. He glances down, then winces at the damp spots he’s left in his wake. He walks back across the room and gives Cobweb a quick rub between her ears. Her whiskers twitch. She doesn’t look up. 

Loki huffs and turns away. As he does, his toe slams into one of the legs of his desk. Pain runs through his foot, and his toenail feels like it’s been slammed back into the depths of his body. He swears, doubling forward to try and catch his foot. As he does, he whacks his forehead on the surface of the desk. 

“Holy fucking shit,” Loki yells. 

Cobweb jumps up and off the desk, landing on the floor. She glares at Loki as he holds his foot while trying to rub his forehead at the same time. As she stalks out the door, he leans a little too far over and ends up starting to topple. 

Loki manages to tumble into his chair, just barely avoiding falling onto his ass. He swears again, rubbing his toe a little more. He looks back at the computer screen. The kickstarter is still open, and the cover photo looks great even with watering eyes. Loki shakes his head. 

This cannot possibly be worth the agony it’s causing. He knows what he’s going to do after all. It’s not as though now, having found the kickstarter page, he’s going to manage leaving without at least donating enough to get a copy. 

***

Loki clicks the dropdown menu. There are far too many options, and at first, he’s not sure what to choose. Twenty five dollars will get him a preorder of the newest calendar as well as some bonus pictures. Just ten more, and he’ll get a short video from one of the guys - it’s promised to be tastefully sexy. At fifty you get a copy signed by all the models and the rewards from the lower tiers. At seventy, you get a personalized video included, and finally at one hundred and fifty (the top tier) there is a choice of two options. The first is a series of requested photos and a customized video just for you, where you get to specify exactly what the model does (excluding sexual acts and a list of no’s each model has included.)

The other option is far more interesting. While supplies last (whatever that means) you can sign up for a date with one of the guys, as long as you’re in NYC or the surrounding area. There are a lot of stipulation about the date. It has to be out in public, and it has to be an activity or dinner that both the participants agree on ahead of time. The date does not guarantee sex from either participant - that’s spelled out explicitly, and Loki chuckles dryly when he reads it. He imagines its important to avoid accusations of prostitution in this line of work. It’s bad enough in his own, and everyone knows that some of the young actors and actresses he represents have ended up having sex to get roles. Loki always tries to counsel them not to when he gets the sense that some of them feel the pressure to do so. But it hardly works coming from their publicist. He often wishes he could do so much more, but he knows that all his clients would see that a betrayal. 

Musing about work has distracted Loki for a second, but the moment he looks back at his computer screen, the dropdown menu continues to stare straight at him. He clicks on the link that will lead him to the page for dates with models. He’s certain he’s just looking, just interested to see if any have sold out yet. The first thing he notices are that dates with the thick redhead are already gone. It’s not surprising. Loki’s almost never seen a better proportioned bear, and he’s certain that red beard would feel like heaven to run his fingers through. The only other dates already sold out are with Heimdall himself, and Loki’s honestly not surprised. The man has an enormous social media following, and he’s got to make enough off of his patreon that other modeling is just a hobby for him. 

Thor’s dates aren’t sold out. There are two more spots available with him. Loki looks away from the computer again, grabbing his water from one side of the desk and downing the rest of it in three long swallows. Then he clicks on one of the dates and pulls out his credit card. 

***

Loki sits down at his kitchen table, his eyes glazing over. He’s managed to immerse himself in work for the last two weeks, ever since he donated to the Kickstarter. While the People interview seems to have put the wolves off a little as they circle around Riley, she’s still not out of the woods. Her ex has started to claim that he always suspected she and Allan Muks were more than friends, and isn’t it possible that he only broke up with his wife in order to be with a woman twenty years younger than her. 

Meanwhile, every time Loki tries to tell her to be more discrete, she fires back that he was the one to tell her not to let them control her life. It seems she took his advice about agency to heart. Loki’s delighted, he really is, but now he’s in the unenviable position of having to explain that the rest of the world is shitty and sexist, and may not understand that. He’s had a raging headache for three days, and is starting to wonder if he should start billing her as her manager (or her therapist) he’s fielding so many late night calls.

The rest of his work hasn’t slowed down either, and he’s now working to get his youngest client’s name in any paper at all. The boy has just landed his first starring role in a tv series, and Loki wants to play the “up and coming young star” card for all it’s worth. There’s only one issue. The boy is absolutely the worst kind of teenager, and Loki has to watch him like a hawk to make sure he doesn’t sneak out to see girls while he’s at an event, or worse, say something terribly rude to a major journalist just because he has the social skills of a three month old slug. 

Loki runs a finger across the surface of the table, wincing when it comes away dirty. With all the chaos of the past few weeks he hasn’t gotten a chance to clean, and there’s more cat hair and dust strewn about than he would like. He blows off his finger, coughing as a strand of Cobweb’s hair gets in his throat. She startles, jumping away from where she’s laid down near his feet, and Loki whispers an apology. She arches her back, stalking off to flop down beneath her cat tree, her back to him and her tail just twitching as Loki watches. 

“Be that way,” he tells her, turning back to the table and pulling out his phone. He has four new texts from Riley and one from his accountant. He sets a reminder on all of them then closes out the app. He’s not going to work tonight, not for another moment. Instead, he opens up his personal email. He’s supposed to be getting an invitation to a party Sigyn’s throwing, and even though he already knows the time and date, she always comes up with clever ways of asking people to come. 

Instead of Sigyn’s email, however, the newest subject line reads: “the campaign has been a success. Get ready for the hottest new calendar…” 

Loki chokes on air. He’d almost managed to forget about the Kickstarter campaign and his crazy donation of a few weeks ago, but now it all comes flooding back. He taps on the email, his fingernail clicking against the screen of his phone. 

_Thank you so much for your generous support!_ he reads. His eyes gloss over as he skims the rest of the email so fast he has no idea what half the sentences say. He slows down at the bottom, though, when the tone of the email changes. 

_I’m so excited to meet you,_ the email continues. _I really appreciate you donating for a date with me, and I hope you enjoy both the calendar and our time together. Speaking of time, I’m free all evening on the 20th. What time works best for you? xoxo Thor._

Loki grabs tight to the table in front of him. His knuckles go white as he topples forward to let his forehead rest on the dusty table. He has no idea what he’s going to do now. 

***

Loki brushes his hair out of his face. A strand tumbles back across his cheek and he huffs, blowing it into the air. This time it stays out of his way. Even so, when he looks in the mirror, he can’t help but wonder if he should have gotten his hair cut. He presses his lips together, but that makes the contrast between his pale skin and the black of his hair even more extreme. With a sigh, Loki turns away from the mirror. 

“Why am I even going through with this?” He asks Cobweb. She’s sitting in the exact middle of the bed, licking one of her paws and glancing up at him from time to time. The long tufts of hair on her ears twitch. 

She doesn’t answer though. 

“I could be staying here, watching a movie, and waiting for Riley to have her next crisis. I could be calling her manager to find out why I’m doing all of his work. But no, instead I’m putting on a nice shirt so I can go have dinner with my brother who I haven’t seen for a decade and who thinks he’s going on a date with a generous donor who supports his modeling. What the fuck, Cobweb?”

She gets up, padding to the end of the bed nearest to him. When she gets there, she flops down, reaching one paw over the side of the bed to bat at an old scarf Loki left in a pile as he pulled out things to wear. The scarf is not the only piece he’s rejected tonight. It seems like almost half his wardrobe is scattered across the hardwood floor of his bedroom. His green blazer lies crumpled up on a chair, rejected because it made him look like he was trying too hard. One of his ties suffered the same fate, but the rest escaped, the first having sacrificed itself to save them all from another trip to get ironed. 

Cobweb jumps down off the bed to rub herself around his ankles. Loki sniffs. When she finishes there will be grey hairs all over the black jeans he’s chosen. He grabs the lint roller off his dresser, passing it one more time over his thighs and ass. He’ll finish the rest of his legs when he’s out of the range of cat-interference. His green button up won’t show the hair quite as easily, but its thin material will get torn to shreds if Cobweb so much as looks at it. 

Loki catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror as he contorts himself to brush the last of the hair from the seat of his pants. His trim waist is highlighted by the narrow cut of the jeans, and the loose shirt hides his body just enough that he looks slim and well built, rather than scrawny. The only problem with his appearance is his hair. All the bad food and late nights lately have made it greasier than ever before, and Loki’s having a hell of a time styling it. 

He laughs abruptly, the sound pouring out of his mouth before he even realizes its coming. Cobweb skitters off, and Loki laughs again. He’s about to see a man he once knew better than any other person in the world. Thor has definitely seen him with greasy hair before. In fact, Loki remembers one night in high school, when Thor must have been a senior and Loki was a junior. Thor had sat beside him in the bathroom all night. He’d held up Loki’s hair as Loki puked into the toilet time and time again. It’s not possible that a less than perfect hair day will bother him. 

Loki squares his shoulders and smiles around his bedroom. 

“I can do this,” he mutters under his breath, trying to sound as confident as he can, even though he has no idea what “this” is.

***

Loki walks into the restaurant and stops dead in his tracks. Thor is seated at the bar, one hand wrapped around a whiskey, and the other methodically shredding an already ragged paper napkin. He’s wearing a tight black t-shirt, one dressy enough from the looks of it that Loki feels like he dressed correctly. He hardly thinks about that, though, because he’s staring so hard at his brother. 

The hostess waves to him, her arm movements big and exaggerated.

“How many?” She asks when Loki finally notices her gesticulations. 

“Two. My date is already at the bar. You won’t mind if we wait over there while you ready our table, right?” Loki says. The words come out of his mouth, and he feels it moving, but with all his focus on Thor, he isn’t exactly sure they came out in the right order, or even came out at all. The hostess nods to him knowingly, her aggravated face immediately dissolving into a huge smile. 

“Go on,” she tells him. “We’ll tell the waiter to come get you when the table is ready.”

Loki nods, then almost trips over the raised doorstep that leads into the bar area room. When he reaches Thor, he takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders. 

“Hi, Thor? It’s Kory,” he says. He’d used the name without thinking when he’d signed up for the Kickstarter. It was one he’d used in gay bars and online when he was younger, but he doesn’t think it means anything to Thor.

Thor turns around. His eyes go wider than wide, almost bugging out as he stares at Loki. One of his hands flutters upwards then drops to his side. 

“You are Thor, right?” Loki asks. He isn’t sure what he’s doing, not sure at all. Yet he wonders what this would be like, meeting Thor for the first time, knowing no more about him than that he was a gay model who happened to be part of a up and coming collective. He’s always pushed the limits with Thor. What’s one more time, just so he can see how Thor acts on a date now? 

“Y-yes. And you… you said your name is Kory?” 

Thor’s forehead wrinkles, his brows knitting together as he cocks his head to one side. He’s looking Loki up and down, his eyes flitting from one spot to another and his mouth twitching as he takes everything in. 

“Yeah,” Loki says. He’s trying not to study Thor as intently as Thor is looking at him, but it’s hard. He wants to take in how Thor’s shoulders have broadened, how his shirt stretches tight across his pecs. The last time Loki saw him, he was in shape. Now he’s thick and wide in all the right places. He looks strong now, not just like a guy who frequents the gym. 

“Expecting someone else?” Loki asks, and he just manages to keep his voice level.

“N-no,” Thor says. “So can I.. Can I get you a drink or something?”

“Sure,” Loki says. He swings himself onto one of the bar stools, spreading his legs wide and angling himself towards Thor. He leans back against the bar, keeping his eyes on Thor the whole time. “G & T please, with an extra slice of lime.”

Thor waves at the bartender absently, still studying Loki’s face. 

“Are you sure we don’t know each other already?” Thor asks as the bartender makes his way over.

“Why? Do I remind you of someone?” Loki answers. He wonders if Thor even really recognizes him, after all this time. 

“Someone I used to know,” Thor says. He looks away to order their drinks, then turns back to Loki, shaking his head. 

“Sorry, this must be a weird way to start a date. Let’s try again,” he says. 

“Alright. As long as you’re not bothered.”

“By what?”

“By the reminder,” Loki tells him. 

“No. Not at all. It’s a good one,” Thor says. He doesn’t seem like he’s going to say more, though, and just then the hostess comes over to lead them to their table. 

Loki licks his teeth as he follows Thor to the table. There’s something odd about that, about the idea that Thor relishes being reminded of his little brother. His eyes are down and he almost walks into Thor when they stop in front of the table. He hops backwards, and by the time Thor turns to look, he’s got himself back under control. 

“Can I get you anything to drink to start?” The hostess asks. 

“Just another G & T,” Loki says. 

“A beer? The Belgian saison.” Thor pulls out Loki’s chair for him, his huge hand wrapping around the black bar of the back of the chair. 

“So tell me about yourself,” Thor says when the two of them are sitting with their drinks. 

Loki takes a long sip of his drink. He didn’t even think of this part of the night. All he worried about was seeing Thor again. He didn’t consider what in the world they were going to talk about. He purses his lips. 

“Well… I think you’d call me a professional child minder,” he finally settles on.

“You work for a preschool?” Thor says, raising his eyebrows. 

“No, that would be a lot easier,” Loki laughs. “I’m a publicist. I make sure famous people don’t ruin their own lives. Thus, babysitter.”

Thor laughs too, the apples of his cheeks flushing. He cocks his head to one side. 

“I’m sure you do more than that. You seem like a smart guy.”

“We’ve just met,” Loki reminds him. 

“Oh. Yes.” Thor looks down at the menu, chewing on the side of his mouth. 

“But yes. I’m very smart. Very very,” Loki tells him. This gets another laugh. He definitely doesn’t remember talking to Thor being this easy when they were younger. 

Their food comes pretty soon after they order, and Loki is certain that it’s great. He doesn’t quite taste it. He keeps having to bite his tongue to stop from saying something that will completely destroy his little game. Thor seems willing to play along, though from the looks he’s giving Loki, Loki’s becoming more and more certain that Thor knows he isn’t some guy named Kory.

It is more than strange to see Thor after all these years. The man in front of his is funny, friendly, and gorgeous, just like the brother Loki remembers. But he’s also calm even when he spills water over his knee, and he tosses his hair over his shoulder with a flip that the Thor of Loki’s childhood would never have done. More than that, Loki can’t forget that the Thor in front of him is a _sexy gay model_. It’s unbearably strange. Even if Loki isn’t angry at him anymore, he can’t quite put this Thor together. 

It’s when they’re getting to their entrees that he finally asks the question. 

“How did I start modeling?” Thor says. “Actually it’s a funny story. I went to college, and was all set to be a scientist. I even got this awesome fellowship with the weather service. I was gonna study the wind and fancy stuff about the Coriolis effect.”

“So what changed your mind?”

“It was absolutely horrible. I sat in a room all day, and never got to go outside. Everyone was paranoid about everyone else stealing their research, and on top of all that, we kept having to fight for funding because apparently no one thinks the weather is important.”

Loki swallows hard. He never knew that Thor was unhappy. They’d stopped talking right as he was starting his fellowship, and he’d always assumed that Thor had just continued on being as smugly satisfied with his life as he always had been. He reaches out and sets his hand on top of Thor’s before he even thinks about what he’s doing. 

Thor blushes hard as Loki rubs a finger across the back of his hand. Loki stops for a moment, but then begins again. There’s something delightful about being able to be the one comforting Thor while also pushing his limits a little. 

“So what did you do then?”

“I quit. I just finished out my fellowship and then walked out, not even looking for a new job in the field. My girlfriend almost murdered me.”

“Girlfriend?” Loki asks. He thinks he manages to sound surprised enough, though Thor raises an eyebrow at him. 

“Yeah. I was dating this pretty nurse at the time, and she thought I’d lost my mind.”

Loki pulls his hand away from Thor’s.

“So you’re not gay. This is awkward,” he says. He doesn’t quite know how to feel. They’re not really on a date, after all. This is him messing with his brother. He shouldn’t be bothered. 

“Oh, I definitely am. It just took a while to figure out.”

Loki reaches out and takes Thor’s hand again, this time giving it a squeeze. Thor blushes. Loki almost giggles. The confusion has washed away and now he’s having fun again. 

“Whew. So your girlfriend was pissed, and you didn’t have a job. What did you do then?”

“Bartended for a while. Thank god I did, too, because that’s where I met Heimdall.”

“Is that really what he’s called? I thought it might just be a pseudonym.”

“No idea. The man is damn mysterious. But it’s definitely what I call him. And he’s the one who got me started in modeling.”

“How did the girlfriend feel about that?”

“Oh we broke up. We’re still friends, but I really didn’t want the white-picket-fence thing, and that’s where she was headed. And… it’s hard to spend your whole life pretending to be straight when you’re not.”

Loki takes his hand back, nodding. Yes. It really is. 

***

Loki smiles up at Thor just outside the door to the restaurant. He’s had a good time. He actually enjoyed talking to Thor. There was something totally new about it, something that he’d never had before with Thor. It’s as though his brother is an entirely different person than he was before. 

Or, Loki thinks as Thor wraps his scarf around himself, it’s as though all the things that bothered him about Thor have been washed away by the years they spent apart. Maybe it’s just because Thor is on his best date-behavior. He looks over at Thor. 

If this were a real date, Loki would be thinking about taking Thor home with him, or at least getting a room for the night. He’d be reaching out and pulling Thor in, wrapping a hand around one of those huge biceps and squeezing. Thor looks soft and solid, strong enough to hold Loki up, with hands big enough to completely enfold Loki inside them. 

Loki shakes his head. This is absurd. This wasn’t a real date and Thor is his brother. Yet, they’ve been treating it as though it were a real one all night. Thor has played along the whole time, just as he always used to. He has followed Loki as Loki pushed the limits. 

“Kory?” Thor says, breaking the quiet. “Are you alright?”

Loki shakes himself again, grinning towards Thor. 

“Fine, just fine. I’ve had a lovely time, you know,” he says. 

“So have I. I’m actually surprised at how well we got along.”

“Why?” Loki asks, smirking.

“Well..” Thor stutters for a moment, then collects himself. “Well, given that you won this date as a Kickstarter reward, for one.”

“Oh, right, that,” Loki says. “I’d almost forgotten.”

“So had I, to be honest.”

“So it’s safe to say you’d like to see me again?” Loki asks. He has no idea why. This was supposed to be a one time thing, a chance to satisfy his curiosity and to play a game with Thor at the same time. Maybe this is just part of the game. 

“Oh yes. Absolutely. I feel like all we talked about is me.”

“I’m not that interesting. I only work with interesting people.”

“Someone as nice as you has to be interesting,” Thor replies. 

Loki can feel himself blushing. This might be the first time in their entire lives Thor has called him nice. 

“You really think so?”

“Didn’t I just say it?”

“Well you could just be trying to flatter a date,” Loki says. 

“Why? What would I get out of it?”

Loki leans forwards. It’s as though his body is moving on automatic pilot, as though the motions of a date and the ways that he always flirts have taken over, and he’s just running on momentum. It’s almost as though he’s watching himself act out what he knows ‘Kory’ should do right now, without regards to the fact that Kory isn’t even real. 

Thor’s eyes go wide the moment before their lips touch.

His mouth is so soft, but his five o’clock shadow tickles just below Loki’s mouth. He’s warm, and Loki can taste the hint of the beer he’s been drinking. They stay that way for a few moments, pressed together. One of Loki’s arms is caught between them, and he can feel the rough wool of Thor’s coat. 

“Hey, move it.” The voice comes from behind them. A man pushes past from the door of the restaurant as Thor jumps backwards. 

Loki staggers, caught off guard as Thor pulls farther and farther away. He reaches out, trying to grab onto something to stabilize himself, but Thor is too far away and there’s nothing else convenient. The ground is a little icy. Before he can catch his balance, he finds his feet sliding out from under him.

Loki feels like he falls in slow motion. He sees his feet go out before him, and his arms reaching out to brace his fall. Then he’s sitting on his ass, right in the entrance of the building. His wrists hurt, but not terribly. He looks up. 

Thor is staring at him, rubbing his mouth. He starts to reach out a hand, then pulls it back before Loki can take it to help himself off the ground. 

“I-I’ve got to go. I hope you’re ok. I’ve got to…” Thor trails off, then turns ’round. He walks away, almost quickly enough it could be considered a run. Loki watches him as he ducks into the first alley down the street from the bar, a little break in New York’s endless buildings just wide enough to let a car through. Thor disappears from view. 

Loki wipes one grimy hand across his face. He’s still on his ass in the middle of the sidewalk, and he just kissed his brother. This is not turning out to be a good evening. 

***

Loki wakes up with a groan. His head is pounding. After the aborted kiss last night, he’d caught an uber back home, but ended up stopping by the Green Door. He’d ended up staying almost to close, and he’d drunk up all the cash in his wallet, seeing Thor’s big blue eyes the whole time. Starr, who’s been tending bar there for almost a year, had asked him if someone had died. He can’t remember quite what he said to her, but it was along the lines of “only my pride.”

He’d pushed the limits and Thor had finally called him on it. He’d pushed the limits so hard that he’d finally found Thor’s. And somehow, leaning on the sticky bar top and watching a increasingly poorly played game of pool, he’d realized something. 

He wishes Thor hadn’t run away. 

Loki rubs his temples, rolling over in bed. Cobweb meows at him, shifting away so only the tip of her tail is touching him. She’s stretched out full length on the bed, basking in the light that filters through the gap between the curtains. Loki groans again. It’s bright enough out that it has to be after ten. He really can’t afford to have slept so late, not with all the damage control he’s having to do for Riley. But right now, the blankets are warm around him, and he tugs them tighter rather than getting up.

His phone rings. 

Loki grunts. It’s way too loud. Usually he doesn’t mind the jangling old-timey _bring-bring_ of his phone, even likes it when it rings while he’s home. But right now, the sound grates on his nerves, working its way into his temples and beating against them in a too bright rhythm. He rolls over, snatching the phone off the nightstand where he’d thrown it when he got home. Loki turns it over in order to check the battery - he’d forgotten to plug it in when he got home last night. He freezes when he can see the screen. Even through his bleary eyes, Thor’s name is clear on the screen. He hasn’t gotten a phone call from his brother in years. He didn’t even have his number until yesterday. 

For a long moment, Loki just stares at the screen. He closes his eyes and then opens them again, but Thor’s name is still on the phone screen. 

He answers the call. 

His voice comes out in a crackling whisper, breaking over Thor’s name. His throat feels like he’s been breathing in the Sahara desert all night, and his head is pounding. 

“I know it’s you,” Thor starts.

“Yeah, duh,” Loki manages. “Who do you think gave you this number last night? The milkman?”

“No. I know it’s _you_ , Loki,” Thor says.

Loki sighs heavily into the phone, rolling onto his back and slapping a spare pillow over his face to block out the sun. 

“Also duh,” he grunts. 

“So why did you do it?”

“Do what? Get a date with you? Pretend to be someone else? Have fun with you? Try to kiss you?”

“You know what,” Thor tells him.

“Look, Thor,” Loki mumbles. “It’s…” he checks the clock next to the bed, “eleven in the morning, I just woke up, and I have a pounding headache. Just tell me.”

“Kiss me! Loki, you pretended to be a stranger, we had an amazing date, and then you tried to kiss me. I actually thought I was mistaken about who you were for the first ten minutes because you did such a good job.”

“I guess that’s a compliment. Was I hot?”

Loki mumbles the words, pulling the pillow closer to his face, trying to bury himself in softness and darkness. He hears a gulp from the other end of the line, and then Thor clearing his throat. 

“Loki…”

“Well,” Loki says, forging forwards because there’s definitely no way back at this point. “Was I?”

“Of course you were. You’ve always been hot.”

His cheeks heat up, and Loki blesses the pillow over his face, even though there’s no one except Cobweb around to see.

“Definitely why you ran away then. A hot guy kisses you and you run away. Guess you were lying about not being gay-for-pay.”

“First of all, Loki, I don’t do porn. That isn’t even the right term. Secondly, you know that isn’t why.”

“You were always the adventurous one,” Loki tells him. He reaches out beside himself to stroke Cobweb’s fur where she’s sprawled on the bed. 

“I wasn’t, though. It was always because of you.”

“Why Thor, are you admitting that you followed my lead?” Loki almost laughs at the unlikelihood. 

“Of course I do. I always have.”

Loki accidentally clenches his fist, and Cobweb hisses, her back arching and her fur standing up on end. She squirms away, digging her claws into Loki’s legs as she stalks off. Loki gasps. He bites his tongue the moment the sound escapes, but on the other end of the line, Thor clears his throat. 

“Are you ok?”

“Fine, fine. Nothing happened. Just my cat.”

“O-ok.” Thor pauses for a second, “you have a cat?”

“Not important.”

“Yes, yes it is. I hardly know anything about you. I almost believed you a stranger when I first saw you. All I know is that I wanted to kiss you terribly, and I still can’t get it out of my mind.”

Loki swallows hard. He pushes himself off the pillows, then swings his legs over the edge of the bed so that his feet touch the floor. 

“You do?” he finally says, his voice whispering up from deep in his throat. 

“I know I want more. I know I want to see where you live, to know everything about who you are now. But I want you, not Kory or whoever else you’re pretending to be right now.”

“Thor, I don’t-”

“-That’s fine. That’s ok. I’ll…”

“You didn’t let me finish,” Loki snaps. His head throbs, and for a moment he wonders what he’s doing. Thor can’t have changed this much, become someone other than the arrogant boy he last saw when they were young. No matter how well last night went, and no matter how much Loki likes this new man he sees, Thor cannot really mean what he’s saying. 

“I’m sorry,” Thor offers up. Then he stops. He says nothing else. No excuse or blustering, just an apology. Loki shakes his head, but it doesn’t clear at all, nor does he suddenly hear anything other than Thor’s soft breathing at the other end of the line. 

“That’s alright,” Loki finally says. “I don’t know what you’re asking for, though. Do you want to try to be brothers again? Is that what you want?”

“We will always be brothers, Loki. All the time we didn’t speak, all the time you and I had no idea where the other was, all the time we grew and changed, we were brothers. We are still brothers now.”

“So then…” 

“But I think there’s something else here.” Thor says. His voice is solid and calm, each word chosen as though it is the only one that suits the moment, as though no others would suffice were he to try them. 

“You know what you’re saying, right, Thor?”

“Am I unaware that brothers are no supposed to want this?” Thor laughs. “Is that what you’re asking, Loki?”

“When you put it like that,” Loki laughs himself. 

“I know perfectly well. It’s you I wonder about.”

“What do you mean?” Loki asks. He rests his elbows on his knees, leaning a little over. 

“You’ve always pushed and pushed, without a care for what’s on the side of whatever wall you’re breaking down. Is that what you’re doing now?”

“I thought you said you didn’t know me anymore,” Loki snaps back. 

“Well, am I wrong?” Thor says. 

“Yes,” Loki snaps. 

Thor says nothing. The quiet stretches between them. Loki is just about to take the phone away from his ear, to turn it off and forget all about Thor for as long as he can, maybe years again if he can manage.

“I’m sorry,” Thor says. 

One of Loki’s elbows slips off of his knees. He rocks forwards, almost tumbling off the bed before he catches himself. 

“You are?” he breathes.

“Yes. I just got done saying how I want to get to know you again. I can’t do that if all I do is make assumptions about what you want, or how you act.”

“Who are you and what did you do with my brother?” Loki asks. 

Thor laughs. His voice is glittery gold, as rich and deep as it has been ever since he left his teens. 

“I guess I made him grow up. It wasn’t a lot of fun, but at least I got there eventually.”

“Apparently. You’ve managed to surprise me.”

“And I’ve never done that before?”

“Well, finding out you were a calendar model was a bit of a shock, I’ll admit,” Loki says. He flops back onto his back, smiling up at the ceiling. Cobweb has apparently gotten over her earlier disgust with him, and comes over to knead at his stomach.

“So do you want to learn more? I’m sure I could shock you again.”

“You think so?” Loki giggles. Cobweb rubs her face across his belly, her whiskers just brushing over his skin. 

“I’m certain of it. What do you say, Loki?”

“I might be open to it.”

“Might?”

“Ok, yes. Yes, you can come over, Thor.”

“You don’t have to have me over. We could just go out again. This time as ourselves.”

“No. In for a penny, in for a pound. Come over. We’ll watch a movie.”

“It’s a date?” 

“It’s a date.”

***

Loki fidgets on the couch. The coffee table is clean for the first time he remembers, only a few photos of shoots his clients have done sitting on one corner. He’s got the door to his bedroom closed, but the one to his office is open a crack, the calendar just barely visible. When he stands up to quickly check he dusted the bookshelves, he finds that they’re all perfectly in order. There’s nothing he can put more to rights. 

He’s just brushing a toy up into the little basket he has for Cobweb when the coffee table vibrates from a text. It’s the buzzer system for his apartment - no doorman here to see who comes and goes. He presses accept, and the buzzing stops. 

Loki takes a deep breath. It’s about a two minute ride up the elevator if it’s not already in use, or maybe a four minute walk up the stairs. He goes back to the couch, sinking in and crossing his legs as though he’s just relaxing. Then he bounces up. He still has to unlock and open the door for Thor when he gets there. 

Cobweb meows when there’s a knock at the door. She hops up onto her cat tree, sitting bolt upright staring at the door. Loki takes a deep breath. 

“This is it, pretty girl. We’ll see what happens.”

He turns away from her and moves to the hallway. The door looms large in front of him as Loki makes his way to it. The knob is cold as he unlocks it and pulls the door open. 

Thor is on the other side. 

He’s got a bottle in one hand and a box in the other. He shoves the box forwards towards Loki even before he steps inside. 

“I hope you still like chocolate,” he says. 

“Why hello to you too, big brother,” Loki manages. He isn’t sure how to treat Thor, not after their conversation this morning. 

“Yes, yes, all that. Do you want the chocolate?” Thor asks. He’s got a puffy jacket zipped all the way up to his chin, and his eyes look a little bloodshot. 

“Of course I do,” Loki answers. 

The door closes behind Thor as Loki grabs the box. It’s just a Whitman’s Sampler, but Loki grins. He used to love those as a kid. 

“You remembered.”

“About the Whitman’s? Of course.”

“I think this is the first time you’ve actually bought me chocolate, rather than trying to steal it,” Loki says. 

“None of that. We’re being nice to one another now, remember?”

“Yeah, that was my point.” Loki purses his lips. 

“Sorry,” Thor says. He tries to unzip his jacket one handed, the bottle still in the other. “I’m still… I’m just a little unsure what’s going on.”

“Come on to the living room,” Loki says by way of answer. There’s nothing else to say. He’s not really sure what’s going on either, after all. 

“It’s a nice apartment,” Thor tells him as they walk into the greens and wood tones of the living room. 

“It’s also my office, so I have to keep it at least passable.”

“Are we going to get bombarded by some angry celeb or the press?”

Loki laughs, looking back at him. 

“Did you google me?”

“So what if I did. I bet you googled me.”

“It was hard to find stuff,” Loki answers. He puts the box of chocolates on the coffee table then holds out his hand. “Give me your jacket and I’ll hang it up in the hall.”

“You have a coat closet. So adult.”

“We’re in our thirties.”

“I don’t have a coat closet,” Thor says. He sets the bottle down on the table and then unzips his jacket, handing it to Loki. It’s heavy, the soft fleece of the inside matched by the puffy down filling. Loki takes it back to the closet, shoving his own wool trench out of the way to make room. When he comes back into the living room, Thor is over at the bookshelf. 

“That’s a good one,” he says. He points to _Tunnel in the Sky_ on the shelf. 

“I don’t remember you liking Heinlein,” Loki says. 

“I only read the shitty later stuff when we were kids,” Thor tells him. He goes back to the couch and sits down. “I bet there’s a lot of things that are different now.”

Loki laughs. It’s oddly not forced at all. It bubbles up out of his throat and then through his lips to echo throughout the room. Cobweb meows from her perch and Thor whips around. 

“Is this the cat?” he asks. 

“Cobweb,” Loki answers. 

“She’s gorgeous.”

“Your kind of girl,” Loki quips. 

Thor turns back to him, grinning widely. 

“Exactly.”

Loki swallows. He had been about to fire something off about how Thor’s tastes have changed, but after this morning… Instead he reaches out and grabs the bottle. 

“A red? I didn’t know you liked wine.”

“I’ve gotten into it a bit lately. The guys I work with all seem to like it.”

Loki nods. He walks over to the bar cart in one corner and grabs glasses off the side where a few hang ready to use. 

“We don’t have to drink it now,” Thor tells him. 

“Why not?” Loki says. He brings the glasses back to the table and sets them down in front of Thor. “You brought it to drink. We can chat a little and watch that movie, maybe?” He hates how his voice pitches up at the end, as though he’s asking for something he desperately wants. 

Thor smiles, his eyes crinkling at the edges, and reaches out to grab the corkscrew where it rests in the bowl at the center of the table. The wine is blood red once he manages to open the bottle and start to pour. 

“Sounds like a plan,” he says. 

***

Two hours later, and they still haven’t started the movie. They haven’t quite finished the bottle yet either, but even so, Loki feels warm all through himself. Thor has been smiling at him for almost the past full hour as they talk about this and that and whatever comes into their heads. It turns out that Thor hasn’t been to the zoo yet, and Loki spent at least fifteen minutes telling him about the giant boa they have there and how he wanted so badly to give it a hug when he visited, but he managed to resist the insane urge. 

They’ve been circling around last night for ten minutes now, with Thor trying to explain what he does for work. Loki reaches out and grabs another chocolate from the box, popping it into his mouth.

“So explain to me again. You started out doing what?”

“I just saw an ad for a live model for a figure drawing class that first year when I was at the fellowship. Jane thought it was a silly thing to do, but I found out it was something I really liked.”

“That doesn’t surprise me, somehow?”

“That Jane didn’t really like it, or that I did?”

“That I did. I never really knew Jane.”

“Great girl. Not the right the girl for me.”

“Yeah? I’ve never dated one.”

“I know.”

Loki takes a long drink of his wine. Thor looks at him, then grabs a chocolate. 

“Anyway, after I quit, there wasn’t really anything I wanted to do. But I was still modeling for the figure drawing class, and one of the other models mentioned that maybe I could make some money modeling in other ways.”

“You did porn. I knew it, Thor,” Loki crows, smiling as Thor’s cheeks go pink. 

“I didn’t!” Thor insists. “I only did underwear and art pieces! Just like now.”

“I wouldn’t judge you,” Loki says. “I think you’d be great at it.”

“Really?”

“I mean, I don’t know about in videos,” Loki tells him. “I haven’t seen you then. But you’re definitely pretty enough for it.”

“That would drive Dad crazy,” Thor laughs. “Two gay sons and one’s a porn star. He already doesn’t like me modeling.”

“You still talk to him?” Loki asks, his voice falling. 

Thor shakes his head, a dribble of wine running over his lip. He licks it away before swallowing hard.

“No, not him. Mother.”

“Oh,” Loki says. He hasn’t spoken to either of them since college. 

“She’s fine with it. She misses you.”

“Has she left him?” Loki asks. 

“No. I think she loves him, somehow. In the way that you and I love him since he’s our father, even if he’s a piece of shit.”

Loki nods. He takes another drink of wine, then forces the edges of his mouth upwards into something like a smile.

“So the porn…”

“You won’t give it up, will you?”

“I mean, I don’t have any evidence that you’d be good at it, but still…” Loki trails off. He’s not sure where he’s going with this, but he likes the way Thor’s eyes are sparkling. 

“Do you want some?” Thor says. He sounds breathless. 

“Some what?” Loki asks.

“Evidence,” Thor tells him. He’s clenching his knees, and his cheeks are even pinker than before. 

“Of your porn skills?” Loki feels like he’s being stupid. They’d talked a little about this this morning, but now that Thor’s actually offering, he’s not sure what to do. 

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind,” Thor says. 

“Just not mind? Or do you actually want this?” Loki hears himself say. 

Thor shakes his hair over his eyes, then brushes it back with one huge hand. He nods at Loki. 

“Yeah, I want this.”

“Then show me,” Loki says. His stomach swoops as though he’s on a rollercoaster, and his heart thumps in his chest. 

“Maybe the bedroom?” Thor asks, standing up. 

Loki hops up, banging his knee on the coffee table.

“Shit,” he swears. 

“Are you ok?” Thor asks. 

“Maybe you could kiss it better?” Loki suggests. There’s a pause, and then Thor falls to his knees before him. It’s incredible, that golden head bowing forwards to press lips against Loki’s knee. He can’t really feel them through the denim of his jeans, but even so, shivers run up his spine. 

“All better?” Thor says as he looks up at Loki. His voice has gone deeper. 

“Yes,” Loki breathes. 

“So, the bedroom?”

Loki turns away, leading Thor to the door. He pushes it open and winces when he sees that one of the pillows is a little disarranged on the bed, and that he’s forgotten to put away his meds. The three orange bottles stand in a row on the nightstand where they always live, their white tops facing bolt upright. Thor says nothing about either mistake, though. Instead, he catches Loki’s waist, pulling him forward towards the bed. Loki yelps. 

“Sorry,” Thor says. “I thought… I thought… or do you just want a performance?” He stares down at the hardwood floor and the shaggy rug. Loki reaches out and tips his chin upwards. 

“Thor. You’ve overthinking things. I’m the one who’s supposed to do that.”

“We’ve changed,” Thor says. He brightens up a bit, though, turning his cheek into Loki’s palm. “Your hands are so soft.”

“Moisturizer,” Loki breathes. He can’t manage anything else. Thor is licking along each of his long fingers, placing a soft kiss at the tips. He shivers as Thor pulls one into his mouth. 

Thor sucks slowly at his finger as he pushes Loki down on the bed, his eyes fixed on Loki’s face the whole time. There’s not a glimmer in his eyes that suggests he doesn’t enjoy what he’s doing, and Loki can’t help but notice that there’s already a bulge in his brother’s pants. 

“You’re big, aren’t you,” he says. Thor laughs around his fingers, sending a buzz down Loki’s spine. He releases them only to kiss a line up Loki’s arm where the sleeve is rolled up.

“You’ve seen me before.”

“Not hard. And not since we were teenagers.”

Thor reaches out and sets a hand on Loki’s hip. 

“I’ve seen you, you know.”

“What?” Loki asks. He’s shocked enough that even the whisper of Thor’s beard along his skin doesn’t distract him. 

“When we were teenagers. I caught you jerking off one time. You didn’t notice, but I watched you.”

“Fuck, Thor,” Loki gasps. It’s too much like his dreams, and his cock is rock hard in his jeans already. 

“You like that, don’t you?” Thor murmurs. He nuzzles at Loki’s neck, and Loki reaches out to grab onto Thor’s absurd biceps. He needs something to keep him on earth, something to keep him down so he doesn’t float away from the feeling of Thor’s teeth as the rasp softly across his skin 

“Have you thought about it since?” Loki asks him, tracing the contours of Thor’s pecs with one finger. 

“What would you think if I said I had?” Thor asks. He tugs at the hem of Loki’s shirt, and Loki lets him pull it up. Thor grins. “You’re so pretty, Loki. Maybe you should be the model.”

Loki doesn’t know which to answer. He shakes his head, then cocks it to one side. 

“It’s reassuring to know it isn’t just me,” he finally says. 

“What, who’s pretty?”

“No!” Loki laughs a little, the sound punching out of his lungs. “I mean, who’s thought about this sometimes.”

“I don’t think I want to tell you how many,” Thor says. He kisses the line of dark hair leading from Loki’s belly button down to the waistband of his jeans. Loki shivers again, especially as Thor brushes the bulge of his cock with his cheek. 

“I hadn’t,” he admits. Thor looks up at him from where he’s kneeling on the floor, just at the side of the bed. “I mean, not a lot. Only a few times. More since I got the calendar.”

“I did a lot,” Thor says. He presses his face to the crease where Loki’s thigh meets his hips. His voice is a little muffled. “I think that’s… that’s why I’ve never really seriously dated anyone since Jane. No one measures up to you.”

“You haven’t seen me in years.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Thor says. He looks up at Loki, his eyes shining. “You’re you, Loki. That’s all that matters.”

It’s then that Loki leans down to kiss him. This time, when their lips meet, there’s no hesitation. He’s not shocked at his own boldness, nor cold on a winter sidewalk, nor waiting for Thor to pull away in disgust. Instead, he takes the time to explore his brother’s mouth, to suck on Thor’s plump bottom lip and to taste the chocolate they’ve shared. 

The kiss goes on and on. Thor’s hands are all over him, tracing his sides, his front, pulling off his shirt and then popping the button on his jeans. Loki grabs Thor’s shirt as well, but it’s too tight for him to easily pull off. Thor laughs into his mouth.

“Sorry,” he giggles. He pulls away, shimming a little to get the offending fabric off. It’s then that Loki notices Thor has pushed him onto his back, and that they’re both on the bed now. He kicks off his jeans. 

“Fuck,” Thor breathes. He’s staring down at Loki, and Loki’s cock twitches under the scrutiny. It’s tenting his boxer briefs, and they’re stretched as tight as they possibly can be. 

“I have to see you,” Thor says. 

“I hope you’ll do more than that,” Loki manages to say. It doesn’t have quite the snappiness of his usual comebacks, but under the circumstances, he’ll take what he can get. Especially as it makes Thor laugh again, his voice echoing through the room. 

“Ok fine then, little brother. I have to see you, and then I have to suck on your cock until you come in my mouth. Is that better?”

Loki’s whole body shivers, and the hairs stand up on his arms. His cock jerks wildly and his mouth goes dry. 

“I take it, it is,” Thor says. 

“Only if you jerk off for me afterwards,” Loki finds himself says. 

“What about on you?”

“When did you get so adventurous?” 

Thor doesn’t reply. Instead, he yanks Loki’s boxers down all the way, leaving him bare to the air of the room. That’s only for a second, though, because Thor’s thick hand, wet with spit, closes around Loki a moment later. 

Loki’s eyes roll back a little. He arches up, trying to push his cock through the tight ring of Thor’s fingers a little faster, but Thor sets a heavy other hand on his hips. It’s obscenely good. It’s better than Loki though a spit-slick hand job could ever be. It has him squirming on his covers, grabbing at Thor’s waist to anchor himself. Thor grins. 

“Good?” He asks.

“You know it’s good,” Loki manages in a high-pitched voice. Thor nods. 

“Gonna be even better,” he says. 

That’s all the warning he gets before Thor’s mouth closes around him, and everything is wet heat. Thor’s tongue caresses every inch of him as he lets Loki slip into his throat. Loki shuts his eyes tight. If he watches Thor do this he’s going to come. He’s going to come right away, with Thor’s golden hair pooling on his hips and Thor’s pink lips wrapped tight around him, and Thor’s hand reaching around to cup his ass. 

“Look at us,” Thor pulls off Loki’s dick to murmur the words around the head. Loki’s eyes pop open wide and he shivers again as he sees Thor licking the head of his cock. 

“I’m-I’m going to come if I watch you,” he manages to get out.

“So come,” Thor tells him. “Come in my mouth, come on my face, just let yourself go, Loki.”

He moves down Loki’s dick, swallowing him deep once again. It’s so much. There’s heat all around Loki, and he can see Thor’s lips moving about him, and then Thor manages to get a finger between his legs to stroke over his hole. 

That’s all Loki can take. He arches his back, throwing his head back and moaning as he spills down Thor’s throat. It goes on and on and on, the sparks dancing across his skin and caressing in a way that makes him wonder if he’s ever really come before. 

When he finally comes down from it, Thor is kneeling over him, hand on the biggest cock Loki has ever seen in real life. Thor’s hands are huge too, though, and wrapped around his absurd cock they look perfectly proportional. Thor is biting his lip, staring down at Loki. While Loki watches, his tongue darts out to lick a drop of come from his beard. 

“Fuck, Thor,” Loki gasps out.

“Can I?” Thor says in response. “Can I come on you? Just… maybe your belly, or your chest or something, Loki.”

“Yeah,” Loki sighs. He arches his back again, presenting himself to Thor. “All over me, just come on big brother.” 

Thor bites his lip again, his eyes screwing up. He jerks himself once, twice, and then he spills all over Loki’s chest. Drops of white come cling to Loki’s nipples, and others slide down his belly. Thor slumps forward, falling onto the bed next to Loki with a hand around his waist. It’s warm, and soft, and Loki has never been more comfortable. 

***

He wakes up a little while later to the feeling of a warm washcloth gliding over his skin. When he opens his eyes, Thor is smiling at him. 

“I didn’t want you to wake up sticky,” he says. 

“Well hello to you too, big brother,” Loki echoes himself. Thor laughs, the sound like golden sunlight in the dark bedroom. 

“Did you _want_ to or something?”

“Not my thing,” Loki says. He rolls onto his side to look at Thor. Thor is still naked, standing with his golden skin on display in the middle of Loki’s bedroom. “Strangely, though, this definitely is.”

“What is?”

“This,” Loki waves a hand between them. “You, here, with me.”

“I… I think so too.”

“It’s going to mean we have to get to know each other again,” Loki tells him. 

“I don’t mind,” Thor say. “I would spend years getting to know you in a better way than when we were kids.”

“Good,” Loki says. Then he grins. “Very good, because I’m definitely going to have plenty of calendars to keep track of those years.”

**Author's Note:**

> +If you want more thorki from me, it's coming. This is what has been tying me up and stopping me from finishing other things!
> 
> +Find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/saltandlimes) and [tumblr](http://saltandlimes.tumblr.com)
> 
> +Find Rufferto on [](http://twitter.com/rufferto9)


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